Shootin my mouth off


I’m going to start by saying I know it’s a terrible language to grasp what with all the different spellings for the same word………..there, their, they’re, I know, it’s hard *sigh*

BUT

Use a damn dictionary!!!

If you are not sure, look it up!  They even show you how to pronounce a word properly, which helps people know what the hell you’re talking about!

Use a thesaurus to say the same thing twice without using the same word if you want to!

Get creative………….but not.too.creative…………..unless it’s funny

For example, ‘this one time, at band camp’………..sorry, only kidding 🙂

For example: the word Aspergers.  I have heard this word said in so many different ways.  The word is Aspergers people.  Not Asbergers or Asberjers or Asperjers!?!  It’s Aspergers spelt and As-per-gers pronounced!  Look it up people – you’ll see I’m right 🙂

Now – in saying this, I am not trying to piss people off (unless they choose to take it that way which I am by no means responsible for – because that is not my intention BUT we all have freedom of choice, so you choose which way you want to take it!).  I am merely educating society on this injustice and correcting the problem.  I know so many of us don’t like to ‘label’ people (especially children – even though it gets them the help they need and I’d be the first to throw a party if it gets taken away later), but if we are going to participate in a society that loves putting people in ‘little boxes’ (I can feel a song coming on), we need to pronounce and/or spell those labels correctly!

OK, I’m jumping down off my soapbox now and making room for someone else to have their say……… 🙂

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Dickhead. Drivers!!!!

I know, I know, I’m not being very nice but really – what’s with their shit?!?

If the speed limit says 70 don’t sit on 50 for gods sake, holding up the traffic, pissing people off, being a catalyst for road rage, meandering through life in your own little world!!  Get out of the f**king way!!

I can handle 5-10 kms under the speed limit, if you’re not being a nuisance or your car can’t cope, but any more than that and you need to stay home or hand in your licence.  People who do have a life need to be places on time – especially when they’ve left home with more than enough time to spare so they will NOT BE LATE!!!  I don’t care if the universe makes everything happen for a reason and that things happen as and when they’re meant to.  If I leave home to be somewhere by a certain time, the only thing that’s allowed to prevent me from being on time is an accident – which these idiots will have caused by pissing people off, who then take chances they wouldn’t normally take to get around them!

*calm blue ocean* *calm blue ocean*

OK, I’ve taken a breath………………..I’ve had my whine………….where’s the chocolate!!

41° day, wife preserver (DH’s term for the air-conditioner) working a treat – after cleaning the filters for the first time since installation in 2003! Apparently they need their filters cleaned every 6-12 months to work properly – who would’ve guessed??!! Anyway, as I said – wife preserver working a treat, kids happy, house cool, on the couch watching tellie, power goes out……………yep, you heard me – power goes out. WTF!! Check the fuse box – everything fine there, sweaty palms, deep breath, change the phone over to OMG an old push button phone and call the electricity company. Recording – trees over power lines in our area – expected restoration time 5pm. What! Hysteria sets in. 5pm! It’s. Only. 3:20. How the hell are we going to survive without the wife preserver?!?!?!?! I know, I’ll put the fan on – duurrrrrrrrr – NO ELECTRICITY!!! Everything in our house is electric – water, stove, everything! Shit!!!!

Call DH in hysterics nearly hyperventilating to tell him the situation at home coz he’s god and he can fix this!!!! And you know what he suggests? Go to the pool!!! What’s with that? Go. To. The. Pool. Heeelllllllloooooooooo – major bush city happening downstairs!! Bathers – I don’t think so!! Then he asks what other choice do I have and after frantically running through my options (all my nearby friends are out!!!!) I numbly realise he’s right.

In the bathroom, shower running (no hot water coz there’s no electricity), trying to convince myself I can get in there – I’m strong, I’ve had babies for gods sake!!! OMG – major nipple erectus happening, quick soap up, quick shave (boy am I going to suffer for that one) and out. Dry off, bathers on, nooooooooooooooo! Wouldn’t you know it – didn’t clean up enough!!!! Shit. Shit. Shit. Moisturiser, more shaving (god am I going to suffer for that!). Thoughts of numerous discussions over Brazilians etc enter my mind – oh shut up! Too late now!

Bag packed, boys ready, time to put shoes on, phone rings, DH home in half an hour if we want to wait. Great, half an hour to think about the fact that I’m about to go out in public in my bathers – not a pretty thought!! Get to the pool, boys straight in, suntan lotion DH’s back, he does mine and he gets in. Me? Sitting there smooth talking myself out of my shorts, boys screaming mum! Mum! Muuuuuuummmmmm! Come on mum! Heads turning to find the awful mother neglecting her children. Guilty walk to the pool and into the water – after carefully determining there wasn’t anyone I knew there.

Lovely time in the pool, get out looking like a prune, towel around my waist, turn around to find the skinniest mum of my mothers group arriving with her family, haven’t seen each other for more than 12 months, me with bat-wing arms flapping in the breeze and her in her current fashion bikini!!!!! Life can be cruel. Console self with take-away for dinner!!!!

On a more meaningful note – the boys loved the fact that I had joined the three of them at the pool for the first time in probably 2 years. It was really nice to do something together. I was reminded how much I love the water and the boys were really happy. That my friends, has to outweigh all the other crap 🙂

You know what I hate? I hate it when it’s that time of the month and you’re around someone’s dog who can’t keep his nose out of your crotch!! What’s with that?! I know I’m a bitch and I might be ‘on heat’, but puuleeeeasssee – I’m not your kind of bitch!! Get. A. Life.

You know what else I hate? I hate it when it’s hot and you don’t wear those little pluggy thingys! The chafing in the heat is unbearable – you know the kind I mean!! You try and do the right thing by your body, steering clear of that toxic shock thing and you get rubbed red raw for it!! You know I’m right.

The other thing I hate is the cost of these little necessities……….all the while knowing if it was men being ‘visited’ on a monthly basis they’d be free!!!!!!!!!!!! What’s with that!?!

Butt, butt, butt, butt, butt!!!! Don’t ya just love a good butt 🙂 To quote Donkey, “I like big butt……..”, well – mine anyway! But it doesn’t really matter what shape or size – we’ve all got one! So how then do we take care of it and the rest of our glorious bods?!?

I don’t know about you but I am constantly and I mean constantly reminded how unfit and overweight I am. If it’s not my 8 year old (he keeps suggesting I go on Biggest Loser), it’s my family or the media (all sorts) or the diet companies or the fitness centres or the medical profession or the clothing industry or the models or the eating disorder units (obese is classed as an eating disorder and apparently I do fit in that category – yeah I know, the photo………….that was taken 13 years ago and holds very little resemblance to the person I have become) or the dentist (bad food rots your teeth) or the friends that are getting in shape and have started calling me Norm (anyone else old enough to remember that one)!!!!!! Well, I have something to say to the lot of you! Are you listening? I mean really listening?

I have finally found out what I’ve been doing wrong all these years and feel it is my duty to inform all people in my situation of this horrid mistake we’ve all been making………………………………….. 

scales.jpg

Now don’t you wish you knew that years ago?!?! We need to get the message out there people. How on earth are we to make a stand against ‘the weight loss industry’ if we don’t have the facts!

Well – now you do. Go forth, spread the word, share this post. The more people we reach – the less people they can try to manipulate! God speed……

Went to the supermarket last night and nearly fell over after entering the bread section. Hot. Cross. Buns. Already!! What’s with that?!? I’m still packing away Christmas decorations and they’re getting ready for EASTER – OMFG!! Is this world in that bad a state that the powers that be pride themselves on making the rest of us feel like we’re constantly falling behind the norm of everyday society!

I mean really – what about Australia Day or Labour Day BEFORE Easter. I don’t care that there’s nothing we usually buy from supermarkets as a nation to celebrate these occasions! It is too bloody soon to be stocking Easter paraphernalia! By the time Easter gets here we’ll all be that bloody sick and tired of eating the damn buns that it will take the special feeling you get from consuming copious amounts of the things at Easter away from us. So yet again we get an overall feeling of being deprived even though the opposite is obvious from the early stocking of the grocery shelves.

Is this yet another ploy at controlling our minds to strip the true meaning of things away from us, all the while turning special occasions into merchandising mayhem? I mean seriously – what’s a gal to do?????

Personally – I am boycotting the early purchase of said buns and Easter eggs…………..mmmmmm Easter eggs………..mmmm chocolate!!! OK, maybe not Easter eggs…………

What a joke! They are only a ‘bargin’ if you planned on getting that wonderful something anyway. If you’re buying it coz it’s on ‘sale’, you’ve spent money you didn’t need to and haven’t ‘saved’ anything. Take my bargain shopping today. If I had bought 2 Christmas trees for DS1 & DS2 on a whim because they were reduced, I wouldn’t have saved anything. But I didn’t. I already knew that’s what I wanted to do so I saved money!! 2 for the price of one!! And then I got decorations for them – all half price, looked at bon-bons for next year (but I don’t think they keep?!?), considered more Christmas cake, shortbread, chocolate elves and realised it’s nearly New Year (not really appropriate now – is it?) and basically could have shopped till I dropped, literally. The Christmas cards are really cheap at the moment too and then I saw a really nice dinner set, how many diary’s does one need…………………………oh what the heck, enjoy the sales – I did 🙂